Catching My Breath

This last week has been a blur. Really. A week ago today Jeff and I were in palliative with dad all day. It seems like an eternity ago in some ways and like yesterday in other ways. I am so thankful that dad was feeling good on Thursday and Friday when Mike and the kids saw him last. He was so good and it was easy to believe that the drs. were wrong and he was going to survive again. In fact, Mike was stunned when I told him dad had died. Dad woke up last Saturday and his oxygen levels were so low that they put him on an oxygen mask. He fretted about his levels and his meds all day between his little snoozes. I'm still kicking myself for leaving Saturday night but it's guilt I have to get over because I know in my heart that I did the right thing at the time. Jeff couldn't sleep and went back to the hospital in the middle of the night and was with dad.

Mark is much better but he had such a hard time. He sobbed his little heart out. He would stroke my dad's hand and his forehead during the visitations.

I am humbled by the support we have received this week. It is amazing. My family is the greatest. My friends are the greatest.

I needed to give the minister some notes about dad so I wrote up a little something. He called me the night before the funeral and asked if it would be ok if he just read what I wrote. He changed a few things and totally left out the point that dad liked to debate. Mike said that debating was his greatest hobby and it's too bad he left that out!
I'm posting what I wrote mainly because being here on the blog it will be around forever and because it will give you a sense of what he was about.



· After mom died he became domesticated. He often would call me up with tips such as how to get my whites whiter and how to make my stew thicker. He taught Jeff how to make mashed potatoes that didn't look and taste like glue.

· He loved his grandchildren deeply. He was extremely proud of them and to him they could do no wrong. All 5 of them were called "lovebug" at some time in their lives. He looked forward to receiving emails from Jessica. He enjoyed taking Mark to Harvey's or Subway for dinner. He was excited when Val came to visit and sad when it was time for her to leave. Jade made him laugh with the funny things she says and does and Craig was the newest lovebug...small enough to still want to be held which dad loved to do.

· Dad went out everyday for a ride in his truck. He loved to go under the bridge, sometimes staying for fries. If something was being built in town dad would drive by often to see the progress. After Jeff moved back to town he drove by his house regularly and would often stop in if he saw Jeff hanging around outside.

· Dad's neighbour John and his wife Diane were a rock to him. He hated to ask them to do so much for him but he came to rely on them tremendously. They not only helped him do things that were impossible for him to do himself, but they would spend time with him and make sure he had what he needed. Dad appreciated everything about them. Jeff and I appreciate them to....what would he have done without them?

· Dad loved a good debate.

· Dad was in palliative care while I was pregnant with my 11 year old Mark. I remember being upset about the fact the neither of my parents were going to see my kids. I am thrilled that my dad knew both my kids and that they are old enough to have memories of him.

· Dad really enjoyed working with his tools in his basement. He did this for years, even after his surgery. In the last few years he put the tools down and picked up a crochet hook. He crocheted a lot of blankets, donating many to the children's ward at the hospital. He couldn't be bothered to learn how to follow a pattern so where most blankets are a bunch of squares sewn together all of dad's blankets were just one huge square. He crocheted on the couch while he watched tv. He was a fan of reality shows...Survivor and the Amazing Race were his favourites, but he was also a fan of Hell's Kitchen and even Judge Judy.

· Dad was a spiritual man. He believed in the afterlife in heaven. He is telling mom about their kids and grandchildren and filling her in on all she has missed in the last 16 years.